I remember sitting on the couch in the Suporn clinic two weeks after my surgery. There were four of us taking the post-op care class...
One year ago I was on stage at Joe's Pub premiering ONE WOMAN SHOW and celebrating the launch of KickStartHer. Musical Theatre Factory was nothing more than an idea I had shared with a couple people. On my birthday I vowed that 2014 would be my last year with a male body, and also that I was done producing work on my own...
It's funny how changing one part of yourself ultimately changes everything. 8 weeks ago I woke up into a new body. It was a passage I prepared for, in as much as one can prepare, and I thought I understood what I was getting myself into...
A rogue drop of rain
landed on my cheek
below my eye
next to my nose
and tricked my face...
I've been back in NYC for a week. Yesterday I sat behind my desk at Musical Theatre Factory for the first time since September 4th. Walking down 40th st I just kept repeating in my mind "I'm not ready for this, I'm not ready for this, I'm not ready for this..."
Looking back it seems as though
I've spent an inordinate amount of time
Feeling weepy in airports...
I can't believe that only 6 weeks ago I was on stage at Musical Theatre Factory singing "Him Today, Gone Tomorrow..."
I’m writing from my room at the Chon Inter Hotel in Chonburi, where I’ve been staying for the past two weeks, and plan to stay for one more...
Dear Friend,
I've only seen you twice
But I've believed since forever
That we were meant to be together...
I know it's been a minute since I've posted any substantial update about how I'm doing with recovery (aside from the soccer team incident, which I'll add a new perspective to below). The truth of the matter is that I had a sort of backward step in my process that forced me to focus extra intently on my wellness (or lack thereof).
So I just said, "alright, homophobes in the elevator everyone else out front!"
I mean, come on, how often...
It was a brief interaction, but I think impactful:
Me, in a bright yellow sundress carrying my designer Thai post-op butt pillow, to a gorgeous, swarthy Australian soccer player in uniform as we're both leaving breakfast at the Chon Inter Hotel Cafe: "What are you guys here for?"
A TMI Vajayjay update. Reader discretion advised...
It's hard to lay in pain in a hospital bed for a week with no one to give you a hug, especially for someone as affectionate as I'm known to be...
I'm 33 years old.
Today I saw my body naked
Mine
For the first time...
So after having my feet suspended in stirrups during 6 hours of surgery my legs were cramped and numb for 4 days...
Tonight I'm crying in my hospital bed
And it's not from pain
Or regret...
Yesterday you touched me where today you cannot
And for those of you mourn the loss of flesh I say
it's just as well
I'm writing from bed in the Aikchol hospital in Chonburi, just down the road from the Suporn Clinic. It's 6:15am here, and in 2 hours I'll be downstairs having the surgery you helped make happen...
Sunset over Bang Saen is like the apocalypse
ire bright and somehow strangely beautiful and sad...