I can't believe that only 6 weeks ago I was on stage at Musical Theatre Factory singing "Him Today, Gone Tomorrow."

I can't believe that only 5 weeks ago I was walking a 72 year old elephant around the grounds of a Buddhist temple off the western gulf of Thailand.

I can't believe that only 4 weeks ago I was learning Muai Thai in the morning and partying with the sex workers of Silom at night, living up everything you've ever heard about Bangkok.

I can't believe that only 3 weeks ago I was laying in a hospital bed, being shown the ins and outs of my new vagina by the surgeon who transformed me.

I can't believe that only 2 weeks ago I confined myself to my hotel room and trained my bladder with a catheter while downstairs soccer players infiltrated our trans sister sanctuary.

I can't believe that only last week my doctor told me that most of my clitoris was dead and would fall off by Christmas, while back in bed I tried to write a "fictional" short story that was "brutally and beautifully honest" about a "protagonist on a journey" so I could apply for a staff writer spot on Transparent season 2.

I cant believe that I'm headed back to Bangkok in an hour, and that I fully intend to spend my last night in Thailand showing off my new vagina to my stripper friends. Actually, I can totally believe that.

I can't believe that I'll be in New York City on Monday, dilating my neopussy in Hamilton Heights after a 30 hour trip halfway around the world.

I can't believe how much I've cried these past three weeks, between the pain, the fear, the solitude and gratitude, and watching all of Six Feet Under.

I can't believe that 11 months ago I came up with this crazy KickStartHer concept, and that 7 months later 447 people would help me make the biggest life change anyone could possibly make.

I can't believe I still have 48 weeks 'till I'm fully healed.

I can't believe that on November 6 I can go to my gym in midtown east and get in the pool in a one-piece.

I can't believe how hard these next two months are going to be.

I can't believe, but I have to, that one day soon I'll be able to discover the sensational joys of my new body.

I can't believe I did this. I can't believe it happened.

I can't believe that finally, Finally, I'm on my way home.