I'm 33 years old.
Today I saw my body naked
Mine
For the first time
And I never knew how to make sense of it before
The geography was defunct and deficient
But now things swell where they should swell
And curve where they should curve and dip
Where
Well
They didn't dip before
And I only caught a passing glance
In the mirror above the sink
On my way to the shower I had to hold myself up for
In the mirror I seemed unfamiliar, and yet somehow official
As if confirming that this
This
is how things would be from now on
The routine began as routines often do
The same
A shaved head, a lathered breast
Rinsing my self with patterned strokes and sways
And then
A move to venture boldly forth
with pink soap and a gentle touch
to trace the peaks and valleys
of my newest terrain
Holding my breath
Bracing for pain
Or pleasure
But it was only discovery
Topography
Mapping out a mystery
Which in itself holds a certain kind of joy
After, water off
Body dripping
The nurse wraps a towel around me
And I stand there, twice her size
Naked
33 years old
And begin to cry
"you feel pain?"
She asks me.
"No." I reply,
"I feel good."