Now that @entertainmentweekly broke the story I can finally post this picture with my favorite guest star from #DifficultPeople Season 3! The one and only @vanessawilliamsofficial !!! I really tried to keep my fangirl tendencies under wraps, but seriously, I've watched Dance With Me maybe 200 times. 🙌🏼😳💀💅🏼🙏🏼💜
Loving my body has not come easy. I learned to love myself as much as I could when I was a dude. I wanted my transition to be a gift to a body I loved, not an erasure of a body I had but hated. Only since transitioning have I really been able to adore who I am and the flesh I inhabit, but it's not a done deal. Since Jr High I've undertaken countless attempts to lose the weight I put on when I didn't want the world to see me. Since my surgery, I've gained, lost, and re-gained the same 25 pounds 4 times. 4 times in less than 3 years! More than the damage this can do to my body, the real torture has been happening in my mind. This photo is me in all my full-figured goodness, spanked and cinched for the Gods. I can look at it and see beauty and glamour and sex, then look in the mirror and see an overweight bald man with a pussy. And as soon as I let myself think negative thoughts about my body, I start to mistreat myself. First with words, then with actions. The shame and defeat seem insurmountable, and course correcting isn't like a high-speed race car drifting into a u-turn, it's a lumbering ocean liner that needs constant reinforcement to bank against the current and head back into its own wake. The irony of this photo is that, while I look like a fucking pin-up model, when I posed for it (and nearly every day since) I was treating my body unkindly out of disdain. Today I understand that my attitude toward inhabiting a healthy body has to come from the same place of loving fulfillment that guided my transition. If I try to lose weight because I hate myself for being fat, I will ultimately reinforce the belief that my weight is inescapable. To see myself with eyes of love means to embrace my size and shape, to treat my skin and muscles and bones and organs and nerves with tenderness, to make health and wellness a priority because I want to live a long life of making great art and having amazing sex. That point of view doesn't require shedding pounds, it requires shedding a belief system that has kept me in a prison of self loathing for most of my life. I want to break free from that prison. I want to love myself as much as I love this photo.
Here are some amazing @dirtysugar shots we took for the @newyorkmusicalfestival poster that didn't make the cut! #Living #NYMF @jencapriocostumedesign @kylestevengoodwin hair and makeup ❤️
Honored to be a poster girl for this year's New York Musical Festival! Thanks to @dirtysugar photography for getting the shot, @jencapriocostumedesign for this divine Evita-inspired gown, and @kylestevengoodwin for the beautiful hair and makeup design! #NYMF
Had a blast supporting @oneill_center & @ntiriskfailrisk with my homegirl @margo_seibert while we celebrated the divine Ms. Judith Light and her much-deserved Monte Cristo Award!