5K - 30:12
It's been 6 weeks since my last run. I put 23 seconds back on time and 8 lbs back on my hips, but that's the process y'all. Relapse is part of recovery, and when I break the seal on my sugar addiction it can send me on a tail spin. I always thought compulsive over-eating was an emotional issue, and sometimes it is, but last fall, after I read the book Food Junkies: The Truth About Food Addiction by Vera Tarmin and Philip Werdell, I learned about the metabolic process that renders some of us helpless to painful, insatiable cravings. When I'm under a lot of stress or dealing with difficult emotions I'm more likely to reach for "comfort foods" that help me numb out. Some people can have a pint of Ben and Jerry's one emo night or a slice of cake at one birthday party and get right back to their clean eating routine. But for people like me who have an addiction to food-delivered neurotransmitters like dopamine it can mean a week, a month, or more of bottomless bingeing. It's easy to blame yourself and let that shame keep you from taking control. Over the past 6 weeks I wrote a full length play and filmed a new season of my TV show, but I deprived myself of so much joy because I was living in terror and regret over my seemingly unstoppable unhealthy eating. Thankfully I was able to drive a wedge between me and sugar and get myself back to the gym today. I was so relieved to discover that, in spite of a little weight gain and a few seconds added to my 5K, I didn't lose all my strength and endurance. In fact, today I feel stronger because I got myself back. I can only thank God for that, because I know like all other people struggling with addiction I was powerless to stop myself. I prayed to God, and to the virgin, and to Jesus. I asked every spiritual force I know to help me change course when I couldn't redirect myself, and it worked. It's working. I'm here, sweating, stretching, grateful to be in a body I'm learning how to honor.
#compulsiveeating #foodaddiction #fitnessjourney #transfitness #transition #bodyimage #genderqueer #nonbinary #gymselfies #plussizemodel #curvygirl #curvyfit #running #smashingpatriarchy
One of the most timeless albums ever. #ArrestedDevelopment seriously, this record could have dropped yesterday.
I've been illustrated! Check out @wnycstudios @nancypodcast for some enlightened shit talking. Art by Danie Drankwalter
Win this custom #ManifestPussy hat! In June, my BFF @vplane is cycling 545 miles from San Francisco to Los Angeles in AIDS/Lifecycle, a fundraiser for Los Angeles LGBT Center and SF AIDS Foundation. For every donation of $10, you get a chance to win the Manifest Pussy hat, which Ed knitted himself! ($100 equals 10 chances, that kind of thing). Just include your name, email address and the note "I WANT SHAKINA'S HAT!" Link to enter in my bio!